Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I Fricking Hate Tacos

Me: You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tim: u fail at life. im running a virus deleting program right now. like no joke.

You know, people just don't like certain foods. Usually, this is because of taste. But not this time. Because I FRICKING HATE TACOS. Not because of the taste--tacos are great. They're yummy. But they are the single most obnoxious food I have ever put into my body, seriously.

You see, the fatal flaw of the taco is that there is literally no way to eat it without making a mess. I'm not talking about Sloppy Joe Face or Rib Fingers. Those messes are acceptable (even though Sloppy Joes are gross) even though they typically end up with scrubbing barbecue sauce out from under your fingernails. But no. Every time anyone bites into a taco, half the shell decides to shatter, covering the hands in greasy meat, causing said greasy meat to flop out of the taco along with half the toppings because the taco decided to self-destruct just by being eaten. Once the shattered shell and taco stuffing vomits out of its container and onto one's plate (assuming its vomiting aim is good enough to hit your plate and not, say, your lap, spouse, or new white blouse that you wear to prance through the snow to the tune of Andrea Bocelli) there is almost no way to eat it properly, even with a fork. Especially since, half the time, the taco-eater doesn't have the foresight to get a fork out, thinking that a taco is finger food. LIES. Because this mess of taco-spew is slicker than owl crap and will flop off the tiny shell fragments/fork you use to try to scrape it into your mouth. Preferably onto your lap, spouse, or new white blouse...

Yeah. So tacos are probably the most obnoxious food in the world. Seriously. Even more obnoxious than giant jawbreakers (which are seriously impossible to eat without getting sticky sugar-mess all over one's face and hand[s], usually in midsummer.)

So what do you think is the most obnoxious food? Leave a comment and tell me.

Tata, peeps.


  1. simple solution:
    turn all of your tacos into taco salad.
    its the aftermath of taco eating without the sticky fingers.